


your light

by heyitsmemi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, First Time, M/M, Major Royal Endgame spoilers!, Mutual Pining, ngl this is painful but also you'll enjoy it trust me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 03:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21349648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsmemi/pseuds/heyitsmemi
Summary: ! Please note this oneshot contains spoilers concerning these two for Persona 5: The Royal !Taking place after the talk with Maruki; there is a lot to think through, a lot to say, and Akira is caught up in a situation where there is just simply no such thing as a 'good' decision. With suddenly everything on the line, he can only truly choose how not to leave any regrets behind.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 35
Kudos: 254





	your light

**Author's Note:**

> After this specific scene I feel like many of us just went wild and had to write it down - so here is my take of it.  
I've been writing this since the day it happened on stream but I've been constantly so overwhelmed by all the news that it completely slowed me down but. But! Now it's finally here (honestly, I have school stuff to do and two other fics to update, but did that stop me in the end? of course not. I just wrote this out of my system in the span of these few days little by little, while blasting No More What Ifs on replay okay, I'm SUFFERING)
> 
> But either way! All you people also currently crying over them with me, come and get your sweet angst juice!

His blood seemed to have frozen in his veins from the moment Maruki said those words; like a spell casted on him, they began to eat away at him, crawl under his skin and find their way inside his brain, challenging his very sanity not to give in – his will not to weaken. He half-tuned out as some snippets of new information began to play in his mind on a loop; Akechi, likely dead, Akechi, brought back, Akechi, biggest wish, Akechi…

Somehow Akira couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed about the fact that Maruki bluntly compared his deeply hidden private feelings for Akechi to those Maruki felt towards the person he cared about the most; the fiancée he lost. He couldn’t make sense of the fact that Maruki was trying to put him on the spot and deter him from fighting him with this specific revelation, knowing it could work. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Akechi Goro maybe really died that night, afterall. That it was his own selfish desire to get him back, to get a second chance with him that was powerful enough to give Maruki the ability to reverse what happened and bring him back – that he ultimately wished Akechi back into existence. To learn that on top of it all, Akechi had been _suspecting _it this whole time.

He felt frozen in space until the moment Maruki walked out the door, and he was left alone with Akechi – who didn’t quite look him in the eye, even after he asked Morgana to leave them alone for a few. He felt nauseous; heavy. His legs felt like they weren’t his own as he stood from the booth and they somehow managed to carry him, only stopping directly in front of him. Akechi seemed cool and collected even despite his eyes being cast down.

“You really knew?” Caused by some strange rush of urgency, the words were out of Akira’s mouth before his mind had the chance to catch up to it. His voice sounded surprisingly fine compared to how he was feeling inside.

Akechi was still finding the floorboards more interesting than his face. “Like I said I’m not stupid, I knew something was _off_. A time period is missing, and it… It makes _sense_.”

There was no expression in the whole world’s vocabulary that could’ve potentially come close to describing what Akira was feeling. He had so many questions, so much uncertainty, an unbelievable amount of fear and confusion –

“What does this mean? Are you not even really him?” Once again, his words were out before thinking, which showed even more as he lifted one hand to touch his cheek, almost as a means to determine that himself – only to be stopped by Akechi grabbing his wrist mid-air.

His dark red eyes were locked onto his now, but they were hiding something behind them… something sad and pained after Akira’s last question about whether it was _him_. Akira blinked at his hand, then back at Akechi, who let go of it with a sharp inhale, causing it to fall back limply to his side.

“I _am_, but – but this is not right. I shouldn’t _be_ here.”

“You shouldn’t have died,” he replied automatically, quickly snapping out of whatever disappointment was beginning to manifest in him.

“Oh, let’s not get into that now, we have more important things to talk about.”

It was rather jarring to see how resigned Akechi’s eyes were. Akira knew that he didn’t just _seem_ like he accepted his fate – no, he honestly believed that part didn’t matter anymore. Except that it did, and Akira wasn’t sure how else to express that besides somehow wanting him back hard enough that his wish actually manifested by defying and bending the laws of reality. But he knew that he didn’t actually need to, because Akechi was aware of that too… he _knew_ that already, and perhaps that just made it all the more depressing.

“I just want to know where you stand. You’re not going to let anything he said change your mind, right?”

That… suddenly wasn’t so easy to answer. Up until mere minutes ago, Akira was so sure; beyond determined, ready to face Maruki head on. But now that he learned about all this, things just got a little more complicated. If he defeated Maruki, the bended reality would cease to exist – they would go back to their lives, to the norm, and Akira was painfully aware that _that_ was the morally right choice to make. He knew that as a leader, he knew that deep inside as a person who had his morals in check, and yet… and yet.

“Kurusu!” Akechi’s voice sounded borderline impatient, making him jolt almost imperceptibly. His eyes were back on him, and frankly that didn’t help. Despite all expectations, there was only one thing on his mind; he would lose Akechi. He would lose him _again_. And not only that – he would fight _for_ something that in return killed him _again_. He’d directly play into it.

“I…,” he hesitated, feeling uncertain – which although did happen a few times, he never quite allowed it to show. And he knew Akechi noticed that, too.

“I can’t believe you are hesitant…,” Akechi said quietly instead of the frustration he expected. It felt as if he was already disappointed and Akira didn’t know how to get him to _understand_ the reason behind his stalling. Akechi’s voice remained quiet when he spoke again. Quiet and pained. “Why did you even want me back?”

Akira didn’t feel like deflecting. What would’ve been the point anyway? The reason was out, looming around them heavily without having to be said out loud; it never had to be, and even like that it was strong enough to just bend reality as it was.

So he just sunk his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “You know why.”

_Therefore you’d also know why it’s not an easy decision to make._

The way Akechi tore his eyes away once more indicated that yes – he did know why, but had no intention to actually think about the reasons behind it.

That feeling of hurrying urgency was back, gnawing at him relentlessly; if this was potentially the last time they could talk one on one, wasn’t it better to just clear the air? Say things while they _could_ be said?

“And you? Did you also –”

“What does it matter?!” Akechi hissed with a seething glint in his eyes, not even letting him finish.

Akira should’ve expected that he would have a different stance on the matter, even if only based on his distance keeping these days; that perhaps digging up sensitive things would only make matters worse instead of providing them with some solace.

“This is not the issue at hand, Kurusu! You should know that better than anyone. Maruki is wrapping the world into something easier and more forgiving, and while that sounds nice in theory, that’s not how life works. It shouldn’t be. You know that! This …,” he trailed off just for a moment, seemingly looking for the right words. “This is not about us!”

Akira bit his tongue, taking in what he knew was right, but what unfortunately also didn’t make anything easier. Despite the scattered state his mind was in, he tried to dig a little deeper and see behind Akechi’s words. Further than just unspoken feelings and strong willpower.

“Are you resenting me? Because I ultimately brought you back?”

The question seemed to have surprised Akechi, his eyes widening for a moment. Akira watched his expression gradually softening before he found his voice. “That’s not it,” he said with a shake of his head, letting out a strained exhale. “Being brought back, being wanted… although I can’t understand, I appreciate it. It just feels as though once again I didn’t have any say. I don’t want it like this.”

Akira felt his heart sink while nausea overcame him. No matter how much he _did_ want him back, he never wanted to make him feel like he’d take his freedom away. “I wasn’t trying to force you back against your own will. I didn’t even realize that I –”

“I know,” Akechi assured just briefly before his brows furrowed and spite slipped back into his voice. “I just can’t sit still and give in to what Maruki is doing! I refuse to be anyone’s puppet anymore, and I want to believe that you wouldn’t be the type to just let him do that, either. I’m fairly certain you wouldn’t bend your will for anyone. Or am I mistaken?”

There were hardly moments in his life where Akira deliberately wanted to be selfish – to gain the _right_ to be selfish. For himself, for something, for _someone_. This time a part of him wanted that more than anything, but most of all, he didn’t want to be just another force in Akechi’s life to take away his freedom, his voice.

Taking both things into consideration, it was just so goddamn hard…

“Akira,” only when Akechi called his name – properly – did he realize that he was the one staring down at the floor this time. “We don’t have time to waste. Give me an answer. Tell me you are going to get our reality back.”

He took in a deep breath, forcing himself not to just break down right then and there. ‘Our reality’… no matter how sweet it sounded, it was a reality where Akechi most likely no longer existed. Akira hated that, and felt like he _should_ be allowed to hate that. Or in the very least, be allowed to hesitate.

But he heard him loud and clear; he heard Akechi’s request, and knew he couldn’t deny it from him, no matter how much it would hurt him. Not even if for the first time, Akira long stopped thinking about what was _supposed_ to be right… he had to face the terrifying realization that he _would_ be able to waver, to be weak, and let the world turn into whatever for him whether it was right or wrong, because Akechi _deserved_ to live and feel wanted – but he did say he didn’t want to just have it handed to him, not like this. He understood that.

“I will,” he nodded, his voice rather toneless.

Akechi tilted his head, a pleased – although rather subtle – smile playing on his lips. “Good. I knew you would do the right thing.”

Akira wondered if Akechi would still think the same about a minute later, because while he decided not to be selfish about imposing his wish on him, there was something else he wanted to try being selfish about.

“But I don’t want to have regrets when I end up thinking back to this moment,” he stated carefully, taking a cautious step forward – in a way, it felt like he was breaking down some invisible bounds that never quite let him get close enough before. But those didn’t matter anymore. Not now, not in this situation.

It was somewhat amusing, how Akechi’s brows shot up in confusion as he tried to figure out what his next step was going to be; of course he still wouldn’t believe Akira would even want to be simply closer to him. For all he knew, maybe this fool assumed he’d just say screw it and kill him personally right away. What an idiot.

Knowing very well that he wouldn’t get another chance, that the truth between them was already out, even if they still continued to dance around it like it was something forbidden; it wasn’t, and so Akira brought him into his arms and buried his face in his neck.

He could feel Akechi tense up in his whole body, hands pushing against his abdomen to keep him away – but without any real force. Rather, they just stayed there as a sorry excuse of a barrier as he stumbled back with him. “What are you – have you lost your mind?!”

Akechi’s voice was frustrated and strained at the same time. His hair was just as soft as Akira remembered from the time he messed it up to help disguise him. He was so… warm, and alive.

“I’ll do what you ask, but you can’t ask me not to be honest about it,” he murmured into his neck.

“Akira –!”

“And to tell the truth, I hate it,” he admitted, brushing his lips against his cheek, beginning to slowly – and shamelessly – plant several small kisses across it.

“Wait, you –!” Akechi’s voice turned into a choke, his hands against his abdomen turning into fists as he grasped at his shirt. “Don’t… stop,” his voice lacked the previous edge and force as he sounded more resigned, and Akira couldn’t be sure whether he meant ‘don’t! stop!’ or ‘don’t stop’.

He decided to just believe the latter as Akechi’s hands slipped to his side, grasping his shirt on the edges, which felt more like clinging to him while keeping him at bay at the same time; appearing just like the nature of their relationship up until now. Akira kissed up along his jawline while his hand moved up to Akechi’s nape, keeping him close and feeling his heart beginning to beat in his throat. “While I respect your wish, I still wish you could stay… Hopefully you can forgive me for that.”

Akechi hung his head with a groan, escaping from his kisses. Akira took a moment and leaned back just enough to take in the state he was in; his bangs fell into his face completely, and his lips were slightly parted as he was breathing a little heavily. His hands were still grasping at his shirt on either side of him, although now Akira could feel and see that they were trembling ever so slightly.

“Stay here tonight.”

His sudden request made Akechi huff before he raised his head back up and let his hands fall back to his sides – one briefly touching the counter, as if to steady himself. Akira took a step back too, sinking his hands back into his pockets nonchalantly like he wasn’t all over him just a moment ago. Akechi was looking at him incredulously – and it felt almost as if he was offended he didn’t seem as collected as he was, but at least he didn’t just straight up run out of the door or punch him in the face. Akira could work with uncomprehending looks.

“You really… You are adamant on making things worse, aren’t you?” Despite everything, there was a hint of amusement in there.

He shrugged. “I enjoy challenging my odds.”

Akechi rolled his eyes before speaking. “You shouldn’t have done that. You should’ve just left it alone. Like I said, this is not about us, so there’s no reason to just make things more complicated.”

“Things are already complicated, and I honestly don’t believe they could get worse than this,” he countered. “There might be a bigger issue in place, but this matters to me. If he is right and you will just be gone… then I respect what you want, but I want to have this night.”

The bluntness of it all should’ve made him feel embarrassed, but it didn’t happen; Akechi kept the eye contact too, his eyes studying him, no doubt trying to figure him out even now. Akira had nothing to hide, though – he laid it all out in the open.

Akechi stuck his chin out a little after another moment of contemplation. “Fine.”

This time the adrenaline did begin to spread through his veins, and he fought it by walking past Akechi to lock the door – he figured Morgana will get the clue to just crash with Futaba – and turned off the lights.

“Come on,” he said simply as he headed upstairs, hearing Akechi’s steps tentatively following him through the darkness.

Once upstairs, he turned as Akechi stopped behind him. He was still wearing his coat and scarf. He seemed confident enough, but at the same time, a little torn. That didn’t necessarily surprise him as Akira himself was balancing between two very different scales on the emotional spectrum.

Akira walked closer until he was directly in front of him, glancing down to the belt on Akechi’s coat as his hands – as steady as he could make them – seemingly reached out on auto pilot, beginning to fiddle with it. He looked back up slowly, his breath getting caught in his throat as their eyes met. He felt lost in the darkest red they ever seemed, his hand continuing to move until the belt gave in with a faint click.

The tension between them was all around overwhelming; heady and intoxicating, making the air feel like it had weight. His hands moved on to the buttons of his coat, without ever breaking the eye contact. They didn’t have to say a single word, because it felt as if Akechi told him everything through looks alone – and understood him, too. Below those intense eyes, Akechi’s lips were slightly parted, which Akira could only describe as inviting. He didn’t realize he was breathing through his lips aswell until he noticed it on him.

With the last button undone, he placed one hand on Akechi’s side below the coat, and leaned in to place a kiss right below his ear, letting it linger… he could _feel_ him suck in a breath, and wondered how difficult it might’ve been for him to suddenly receive and accept affection… or was it relieving? Simply new? He only hoped Akechi felt it was as natural as it was for him. He’d been… yearning for a long while now as it was. Akira simply wished it never had to stop now that he had it.

“Hey…,” Akechi began quietly just as Akira pulled back and reached for his gloved hands. He hummed in response, pulling them off with a simple motion. Their eyes met once more, and he noticed a small smile playing on Akechi’s lips just for the briefest of moments. They were thinking the same.

The smile was gone as quickly as it came though as Akira reached up to his scarf and carefully undid it. “I agreed, but… I have one condition.”

Akira nodded as he placed Akechi’s scarf aside, wondering what that might mean, although not being overall surprised. That was a very… Akechi thing to say. “I’m listening,” he stated as his eyes found the eternal red once again, hands gently pushing the coat off of him, with Akechi leaning forward a little to allow him.

“I want you to… stop thinking about what tomorrow might bring. At least while we…,” he bit the end of the sentence, and Akira stopped to properly look at him, too. That wasn’t what he expected.

Akechi cleared his throat, standing up more straight. “You certainly know by this point that I hate pretending, however… given these circumstances, I’d rather your mind was not anywhere but on me. As in here, right now.”

He watched as Akechi brushed some of his hair behind his ear, which was decidedly a bit more pink than normal, indicating that despite the collected demeanor, he was at least slightly embarrassed. “I guess you could say I don’t want this to feel like it’s only happening because this is the only chance we have. It’d help me feel better about it. Do you think you can do that?”

Akira knew that there was no way he could completely disregard the reason behind the way his heart felt so heavy, but he was willing to try. He understood Akechi’s reasoning, afterall. He definitely didn’t want anything to ruin or stain this moment, either.

“Just you and me, on an ordinary night. Got it,” he nodded, allowing himself to smile when he saw Akechi do the same. This time it was more prominent, closer to a smirk.

“Good. Although I suppose it couldn’t be completely ordinary if you managed to get me up here, could it?”

“Honestly?” Akira moved even closer, making it so they were only a few inches apart. “I think it was a matter of time.”

Akechi raised a brow, but his smirk didn’t waver – it only got accompanied by a slightly challenging look in his eyes. “You sound awfully confident.”

This was a challenge Akira was eager to accept, goosebumps beginning to form all over his body as he leaned close enough to feel Akechi’s breath against his lips. “You know it’s true,” he whispered, his right hand moving up to settle on Akechi’s nape after a gentle caress of his cheek – resulting in Akechi ducking his head again, likely on a reflex.

“Between just you and me…,” Akira added meaningfully, serving also as a reminder as he leaned down and maneuvered a little to still be able to reach him; he touched his lips against Akechi’s just briefly before letting them go, his pulse immediately picking up helplessly. They both shivered for a fleeting moment as he repeated it, but Akira made it linger just a little longer this time; Akechi’s lips were surprisingly soft, and just like his whole being, Akira knew they had the power to tempt him into all sorts of things.

With a reluctant movement, Akechi turned his head to the side, making Akira wonder if perhaps he really had a hard time with all of this. He was just about to make sure and ask when Akechi turned back, staring directly into his eyes. The look in them was determined and fiery, reminding Akira of the times when Akechi let himself run wild in the metaverse. It was the look of deliberate intent, mixed with… something new on him, something that sent shivers down Akira’s spine – in the good way.

“Just you and me,” Akechi repeated with a nod, and Akira barely had time to process anything that happened after; he felt arms wrap around his neck, lips crashing against his own and warmth enveloping him as his body practically melted into him. Akechi kissed him hungrily, almost in a demanding manner – it was clumsy and impatient at first, with more teeth than lips, but as they found their rhythm it became all-consuming and desperate, and he couldn’t do anything but allow Akechi to drive him back against his bed.

Akechi pushed him down carefully so he was sitting, then practically fell onto his lap as he straddled him, his hair falling into his face and tickling Akira a little. Akechi’s hands moved from around his neck to cup his cheeks… until one strayed away to tangle in his hair. Akira felt like the room was spinning, and he couldn’t stop his lips from parting, wanting to deepen it even more, to _feel_ even more. Akechi allowed it, the only issue being that Akira wasn’t quite prepared for it; as soon as it stepped up the intimacy with Akechi’s tongue brushing against his own, he shivered in his whole body, with Akechi sighing into it immediately after. He wasn’t sure if the reason for that was the contact or that he made him shiver… or perhaps both. He barely registered Akechi breaking the kiss for a moment to take his glasses off and move them aside, he only realized it happened when Akechi took a moment to stare into his eyes before kissing him again.

It felt as if all the tension that kept on building up between them relentlessly through all this time was coming out and showing itself through their desperate actions. All of Akira’s senses were flooded with Akechi, and yet it still didn’t feel enough – he had the idea that it would never really be enough, and he didn’t want to let him go… but he promised Akechi not to let his mind go there.

Feeling breathless, he broke the kiss momentarily – seeing Akechi’s flushed cheeks and half-lidded eyes didn’t help his case, though. It felt like an instinct, as he leaned forward and began to trail kisses down the side of his neck, inhaling his scent and allowing it to cloud his mind even more, if possible. He felt Akechi’s pulse against his lips, quick but steady… without thinking, he kissed it feverishly; placing his tongue against it, and pressing down. Akechi’s reaction surprised him again, although in the best way possible; he tilted his head back, giving in, and letting out the softest, most pleased sound Akira ever heard – in sync with pressing his hips down against his instinctively. It instantly had Akira seeing stars.

Clothes began hitting the floor soon after, and it all went by in a slow, delirious haze. He wasn’t sure just how long exactly it lasted, all he knew was that they were taking their time to discover each other with touches and kisses, and Akira burned everything into his memory. Every sigh, every reaction, every birthmark on Akechi’s skin, all of the sensitive spots, the way he sounded, all of it. Each of their actions spoke louder than words could’ve, and Akira made sure to make Akechi feel everything he was feeling; most of all how ridiculously and unconditionally in love he was with him.

The moonlight combined with the streetlights coming in through the windows were serving as the only things illuminating the attic, and everything was quiet. A few minutes had passed since they came off of their highs… they were not talking, but it didn’t feel necessary, either. Akira was laying on his back, just listening to Akechi’s soft breathing – it was a comforting enough sound.

A few more lazy moments passed in serenity until Akechi sat up in the bed. Both of them were shirtless despite it being cold outside; they were too lazy and comfortably warm to bother dressing up properly. Akira followed his lead a moment later, sitting up behind him and wondering where his mind was – then again, part of him was afraid to know.

He leaned forward slowly, placing a gentle kiss on his bare shoulder. “Goro…”

Akechi tensed for a moment, but relaxed immediately after. He half-turned his head so Akira could see his face. “Oh? First name basis now?”

Despite everything, he let out a small laugh. “I figured I earned it after not even ten minutes ago you kept repeating my name like a mantra –”

Akechi gently elbowed him. “Shut it!”

“Or at least, you were _trying_ to –”

“Okay, that’s enough! I was kidding,” Akechi huffed, but even from this angle Akira could see that he had a hard time keeping a smile off of his face. “You should rest. We have an important task to take care of tomorrow.”

Akira snorted. “You sound like Morgana.”

That comparison earned him a sharp glance in return. He was trying his best to cling to the present, and not to think about what the next day might bring. It was too painful, and forgetting about it - even if just for a moment - was so… rewarding. However, the deal was off. Akechi asked him to ignore it only while they were intimate, and although it never quite escaped his mind, now Akira could feel the weight of it pressing down on him, slowly encircling the both of them. He didn’t feel like explaining to Akechi that he most likely wouldn’t sleep at all, even if he was exhausted for more than one reasons.

Instead, he leaned against him and allowed the tip of his nose to slowly travel up and down Akechi’s nape. His hair still tickled him… and despite the yearning already getting a hold of him once more, he couldn’t help but smile weakly. “I don’t want to lose you… not again.”

“Akira…,” Akechi turned his head back, so he didn’t see his expression… Akira figured it was not a too happy one to see.

“I just want you to know,” he murmured, placing another kiss on his shoulder. “That I’d want all of this with you.”

Akechi turned to face him properly with a small smile, seemingly determined to move things back into a more lighthearted flow. “So you’re saying this was what you wished for?” He asked while motioning between them.

Akira shook his head with a small smile. “I just wanted you back alive and okay. Prove you wrong by showing you that you have people who care about you.”

The smile slowly disappeared from Akechi’s face, giving its place to something sad and wistful, so Akira attempted to turn it back around. “This part is just solely for my self-indulgence.”

It worked; Akechi laughed, genuinely, and Akira’s chest stung. “Oh, is that so?”

He nodded, resting his chin on his palm and smiling at him. He knew he probably looked absolutely gone, but that was only because he absolutely _was_. “This was a surprise for me, and I bet it was for you, too. I’m rather powerless against it,” he saw in Akechi’s eyes that he hit the nail right on the head. He smiled more, truly taking in the sight of Akechi in his bed. It was a quite lovely scene, minus the fear he felt inside. “I want it, though. I want to be able to still be with you in our reality.”

Akechi’s eyes let go of his then, which was understandable; his words had weight. Weight and commitment – and Akira didn’t even voice half of the things he was feeling.

_I want to continue giving you affection and thus keep proving you wrong._

_I want to make you my partner in every sense and see you getting what you deserve._

_I want you in my life._

_I want you to have a life._

“What if Maruki is right?” He asked instead, successfully getting Akechi’s eyes back on him. “What if we do this tomorrow, and then you…,” he stopped short. He didn’t want to even say it out loud.

“We can’t let that stop us,” Akechi said simply. “If that’s what reality is for me, I accept it. I’d much rather do that than be handed an improved version by someone else.”

He didn’t reply at first, just watched him intently. He knew that Akechi would likely never bend his own will for anyone else anymore, and he understood that. Still, he wondered…

“I’m not about to go back on my word, but I do wonder… if I chose this life, would you let me? Theoretically.”

Akechi eyed him for a moment, then smiled bitterly. “It’s not worth to ponder. You wouldn’t actually ask me, would you?”

Akira had a raising suspicion that actually - although not happily -, but Akechi might’ve just allowed him. The realization of that did waver his will yet again; just letting himself entertain the thought – even if only for a minute – that he wouldn’t need to lose him, that he’d be okay… it was enough to make him feel unsure for a second. The fear of the next day began wrapping its claws around his neck, steadily making his throat feel tighter. He laid back down, staring at the ceiling and blinking a few in order to make sure the tears stinging at his eyes would not betray him. No matter how much it hurt, Akechi’s wish was more important.

“You fool,” Akechi’s voice helped him snap out of it, at least to a certain extent; he didn’t realize that somewhere in-between his inner monologue Akechi managed to climb over to him, and now that he was hovering above him Akira stopped breathing altogether.

“Yup, that’s me,” he said weakly.

Akechi seemed to keep staring down at him for what felt like eternity. His gaze was imperceptible; Akira once again wondered just what was on his mind. Sometimes he found himself wishing he could just read the thoughts – especially those concerning him – straight out of his mind, no matter how sweet or cruel they might’ve been. He was always harder to read, harder to perceive – while at the same time, he probably gave away more than he intended. Akira wanted to keep dissecting and figuring him out forever.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked after a while.

Akechi tilted his head, humming. “If you did choose to stay here, and I changed like your friends did when they weren’t aware this was not their reality… what would you do?”

Even the idea of Akechi not being entirely himself was enough to make him frown. “I wouldn’t want you to change.”

Akechi mirrored his frown, his eyes studying him as if he was trying to figure out if he was lying. He still couldn’t completely believe that, huh? Akira sighed, attempting to make his voice sound more confident after clearing his throat. “Good thing we won’t have to bother with that, since I’m keeping my word.”

Akechi nodded then. “Yes. Thank you.”

It might’ve just been his imagination, but it almost felt as though Akechi was saying thank you for more than just one thing. His eyes flickered down to his lips, then back up to his eyes. He was too far away, even now; hovering over him, just out of reach. It felt like that’s what they were doomed for, but Akira got enough of it.

“Then kiss me.”

It was yet another challenge, but Akechi only hesitated for about two seconds before lowering himself against him and doing so. With one hand brushing through his hair, he kissed him meaningfully, and Akira allowed himself to forget just a little longer.

He promised himself he wouldn’t waste time with sleeping, but in the end, he couldn’t quite stop his eyelids from getting heavier. At a point, while telling himself he’d just rest his yes, he felt Akechi reach out to caress his cheek. It was an especially careful touch, and unusually tender, which told him Akechi most likely assumed he was asleep.

He didn’t bother to let him know he wasn’t; he figured Akechi would act differently if he knew he was, in fact, awake and aware. He felt him moving closer, pressing his lips against his forehead and lingering just a little. Something twisted painfully inside of Akira’s chest as he realized the actual purpose behind it; it was less out of simple affection and more out of reason. He was preparing.

He was saying goodbye.

Flinching slightly, Akira wanted to tell him to stop. He didn’t want goodbyes, not when they were so final.

“Goro…,” he mumbled, half-asleep, causing Akechi to pull back a little, just as he anticipated.

“Did I wake you?”

“Don’t you dare… saying goodbye to me,” he huffed, frustrated. He opened his eyes and squinted at him with a frown, somehow managing to make Akechi let out a quiet little laugh.

“Alright. I won’t. You still… owe me with a rematch.”

It hurt. All of it, all over. And yet, in the middle of all this pain, somehow that still sounded so comforting.

“Good…,” Akira whispered, closing his eyes once more. He could feel that he was beginning to fall asleep, feeling lighter as his mind clouded more and more. “Love… you,” he mumbled, practically incomprehensible.

But Akechi understood. He felt him freeze entirely next to him, for so long he almost missed his response. “… I know.”

He couldn’t recall much more after that, as sleep took a hold of him. He wasn’t sure if Akechi actually ended up saying ‘I love you, too’, or if that part only happened in his dream.


End file.
